I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
