i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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