i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
