I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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