Don't you send me to vm
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
