He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
