nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
