The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
