I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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