I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
should my penis look like a turkey
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
