get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
