A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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