Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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