I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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