Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
