I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
