You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
