and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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