I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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