now i know why i became what i already was.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
