some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
