I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize