; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
