and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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