I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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