and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
