Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
