It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
