I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
