I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize