OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
