things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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