I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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