Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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