If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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