It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
