can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up under a house in Key West
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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