"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
