There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
