I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
