We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
