i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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