Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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