There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
