I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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