The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
