a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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