My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
