It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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