Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
