mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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