I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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