I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
