Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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