went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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