So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He better not be in your backpack
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
