Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
do nipples grow back?
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