Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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