Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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