I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
