i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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