I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
