just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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