We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
