3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
