i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
