We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
