I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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