matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
